Feelings

Off topic

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby bels » Thu Jul 31, 2014 7:18 am

I can drink one cup of coffee per day max and I have to make sure nothing stressful happens to me for the rest of the day or I spiral out into a free falling, fractal panic with no respite or end. Also if I drink coffee after about 5 I don't sleep properly.

I mainly drink decaff.

PM nankid thread.
  • 0

Image
User avatar
bels
Yung Winona
 
Posts: 5066
Joined: Thu Jul 11, 2013 2:43 pm
Reputation: 18793

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby jrisk » Thu Jul 31, 2014 7:29 am

I can drink as much coffee as I want before noon and I'll be fine. After lunch, I'll start to feel the wires in my brain.
  • 0

Image Image Image
User avatar
jrisk
 
Posts: 763
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:10 pm
Location: msaeachubaets
Reputation: 4284

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby stappard_ » Thu Jul 31, 2014 8:01 am

bela wrote:PM nankid thread.



I live with a nankid par excellence, it provides endless amusement
  • 0

User avatar
stappard_
 
Posts: 633
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:16 am
Reputation: 2963

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby trav » Thu Jul 31, 2014 8:21 am

Maybe once or twice in my life have I felt like coffee elevated my energy... I drink tons of coffee all day (including the evening) and basically don't notice anything :\
  • 4

User avatar
trav
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2013 10:33 am
Reputation: 339

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby DeafIdiotGod » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:56 am

Painting and drawing are really therapeutic pastimes. Been painting for about 4 hours a day over the past 4 days and my sense of general well-being is at a high.
  • 3

User avatar
DeafIdiotGod
 
Posts: 265
Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 3:38 pm
Reputation: 989

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby arcticsound » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:26 pm

lol I guess I'm technically homeless
  • 1

User avatar
arcticsound
 
Posts: 186
Joined: Mon Apr 14, 2014 4:52 pm
Reputation: 664

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby rjbman » Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:50 pm

Temporarily I hope...?
  • 0

"Let's be vagabonds." - Yohji Yamamoto
User avatar
rjbman
 
Posts: 1523
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:34 pm
Location: CO
Reputation: 6779

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby bobo77 » Thu Jul 31, 2014 9:48 pm

Followup on my previous bitching about girl stuff. Kissed a girl from my group in Spain and had a mini relationship that we were able to end maturely when the trip ended. Feeling a lot more confident about myself, which is nice.
  • 6

User avatar
bobo77
 
Posts: 280
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2014 6:26 pm
Location: Central New Jersey and Central Massachusetts
Reputation: 817

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby soko » Fri Aug 01, 2014 7:41 pm

I just got back from a month away in Scotland, England, and Sweden, and I've never missed someone as much as I missed my girlfriend. During the last week of the trip I was thinking about her constantly and I had moments where I was just having pangs for her. And when I finally saw her it was incredible and we held each other and cuddled and kissed for hours and I realized that I'm so in love and never felt so in love before in my life.

I also met up with a friend of mine that moved to Bermuda a year ago and it was really great as well as kind of sad. Somehow we ended up talking about how scary it is that we're growing up and have to decide who we want to be. She was saying that her dad didn't know what to do when he was young, so he travelled around China and Korea teaching english and trying all the drugs he could. And he's such a mellow, normal guy and its kind of scary and comforting at the same time that he managed to figure things out and be a dad with a good job. But I don't really want that or even know if thats a goal that I should want. She had to go after that conversation and I left feeling pretty down. It was really interesting because we never really connected emotionally in that way before, but I find that everyone my age that I talk to about life after high school is in the same boat as I am. Also watched Boyhood the day before this and Kings of Summer the day before that, so I've been feeling a happy about my life right now, but a bit lost and wistful when it comes to the future.
  • 8

User avatar
soko
 
Posts: 73
Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2014 10:16 am
Location: Toronto
Reputation: 434

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby silvaeri » Sun Aug 03, 2014 3:40 am

just want to feel loved by someone.

lol whatever. life is weird and dumb.
  • 7

professional idiot.
User avatar
silvaeri
 
Posts: 413
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:34 pm
Location: minnesnowta
Reputation: 1867

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby chan0 » Sun Aug 03, 2014 6:18 am

First day of my first ever proper job tomorrow... Oh shiiiit!
  • 5

User avatar
chan0
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Mar 23, 2014 7:55 pm
Location: England
Reputation: 57

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby purkinje » Sun Aug 03, 2014 11:14 am

Going to the Adirondacks for a week of hiking and kayaking and campfire songs and such, not bringing any c-t enabled devices. See y'all next week! (smiling)
  • 7

a disaster is a terrible thing to waste
User avatar
purkinje
 
Posts: 416
Joined: Mon Sep 23, 2013 4:25 pm
Location: ny/boston/jail
Reputation: 1598

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby IsaiahSchafer » Sun Aug 03, 2014 4:37 pm

Just read through the last two years of my grandfather's journal/life. He watched a lot of sports, read sometimes more than a book a day, and for 90 years old, he was as sharp as could be. Felt good that in the last few entries he mentions me coming over to bring him the paper and have a talk.

He passed away when I was 16 and I so wish I got more time with him. Born in 1917, did rough work to get through the great depression, served in two wars, and I feel like he passed before I was mature enough to appreciate what a gift it was to be able to talk to him.

Miss him :(
  • 12

User avatar
IsaiahSchafer
 
Posts: 288
Joined: Tue Oct 08, 2013 4:14 pm
Reputation: 1300

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby Indieguy » Sun Aug 03, 2014 6:21 pm

@amikrumpingnow, I know the feeling. I went through some photo albums at my grandmother's place. Although it was nice to remember him, it created a sad void within myself. Him and I would probably get along better now. He always expected me to act and be more grown-up. (On my 6th birthday he got me an axe and a beer :') )

I miss my grandfather too.
  • 2

User avatar
Indieguy
 
Posts: 71
Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 11:07 am
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Reputation: 328

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby jrisk » Sun Aug 03, 2014 6:49 pm

oof this subject is pretty tender for me. my grandfather has recently been diagnosed with alzheimers. He's always been a bit forgetful and has pretty severe hearing loss, so it's difficult to perceive if he understands what you're saying sometimes, so there haven't been any major noticeable changes yet. My mom suggested I visit my grandparents more often so I try to go once a week or so during my lunch-break (I work like 3 minutes away from their house). My grandmother gives me chips and pickles and my grandfather tries to understand what I do for work ("I make websites")
  • 7

Image Image Image
User avatar
jrisk
 
Posts: 763
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:10 pm
Location: msaeachubaets
Reputation: 4284

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby bobo77 » Sun Aug 03, 2014 7:00 pm

I have all four of my grandparents, which I gather is unusual. My mom's dad has slight dementia, and they've all had various issues (nothing too serious), but I can't really think of them being gone. I'm sure something will happen soon, but I don't really know how I'll deal with it. I've never lost a close family member. Even if I'm not really as close as I'd like, I imagine it'll be tough to see what my parents go through.
  • 1

User avatar
bobo77
 
Posts: 280
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2014 6:26 pm
Location: Central New Jersey and Central Massachusetts
Reputation: 817

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby freddy » Sun Aug 03, 2014 9:40 pm

a few days ago in I was eating breakfast in the morning, some chick commented to me how she gets as much bacon as I do and i gave her some restless response, and when she left she tossed a napkin with her name and number telling me to "call her sometime"

despite not being so much physically attracted (but I kind of forgot what she looked like now) to her (she did have a peculiar fashion sense which I was checking her out), i think we had a nice momentary spark but then I can't find the damn napkin anymore - hope she won't feel blown off if she runs into me again.. my mind is so fucked these days (stressed out) and I just wanted to tell her she's a cool chick for the effort she put out :S
  • 3

User avatar
freddy
 
Posts: 934
Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:35 pm
Reputation: 1710

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby silvaeri » Mon Aug 04, 2014 12:24 am

got a text from my ex today that said,

"Kyle are you okay? I realize I'm the last person you'd want to confide in but I worry."

I don't understand why she worries. I'm confused.
  • 3

professional idiot.
User avatar
silvaeri
 
Posts: 413
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:34 pm
Location: minnesnowta
Reputation: 1867

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby silvaeri » Mon Aug 04, 2014 9:48 am

@missrowan @sparkyoriental - we didn't break up badly and for the most part i'd say we're on friendly terms/friends. just haven't talked in a while as it's been too hard for me.
  • 2

professional idiot.
User avatar
silvaeri
 
Posts: 413
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:34 pm
Location: minnesnowta
Reputation: 1867

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby DeafIdiotGod » Mon Aug 04, 2014 10:59 am

I'm working at a kid's home and one of the young boys came running in crying. He had been beaten up by some of the other boys because they thought he hadn't done his cleaning up after lunch, not only was this completely out of order in the first place but he actually had cleared up and the mess had been left by one of the boys beating him up. In dealing with this I found out that there was a history of these boys victimising this kid, they'd attack him because he wet the bed sometimes, an issue probably made worse by the bullying, and because he was a bit messy and forgetful.

That's all horrible but what I found out they had tried to do last night just made me sick. This is a third world country so the place the boys live doesn't have proper toilet facilities so they use some bucket that's normally round the back of the building but gets taken inside at night times. The previous night, the boy who seemed to be a ringleader in the bullying had layed down a load of broken glass around the bucket and told Tojo (the victim here) to go and collect it, barefoot, in the evening after he had deliberately had the lights turned off so the glass wasn't visible. Luckily Tojo somehow found a way to the bucket without encountering the glass and returned with his feet undamaged, much to the annoyance of this other boy. This goes beyond playground bullying and into premeditated acts of violence, I was disgusted when I found out about it, these kids are only 12 years old as well. The perpetrator seemed sorrier that he'd been caught than for what he did when we confronted him about it.

Tojo is the sweetest kid you'll ever meet as well, he's never been violent towards anyone, heck he doesn't even fight back when getting attacked by the others. I just don't get how kid's can be so cruel to eachother.
  • 10

User avatar
DeafIdiotGod
 
Posts: 265
Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 3:38 pm
Reputation: 989

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby can- » Tue Aug 05, 2014 12:29 am

^I think proper empathy is one of those things most people only find around their 30s, and that's if theyre lucky
  • 4

User avatar
can-
 
Posts: 2995
Joined: Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:34 pm
Reputation: 11337

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby DeafIdiotGod » Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:17 am

What's worse is the fact that my Visa runs out today and I have to go back to England. I feel terrible having to leave the poor boy on his own, I was one of his best friends at the home after his other guy friends had returned to their families. The boys who did it are being dealt with I hear so that's good I guess.
  • 1

User avatar
DeafIdiotGod
 
Posts: 265
Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 3:38 pm
Reputation: 989

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby hooplah » Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:27 pm

jrisk wrote:oof this subject is pretty tender for me. my grandfather has recently been diagnosed with alzheimers.


@jrisk, please please please visit your grandpa as much as possible.

my grandpa had alzheimer's. it started showing when i was a preteen. he was always the nicest guy, and LOVED spending time with his grandkids/kids in general. his eyes would light up when we would come over. he was fondly referred to by neighbors as the 'mayor' of his street. the kids next door called him grandpa. he'd take me fishing or just spend time with me in the backyard teaching me about plants and animals. we used to play cards all the time. he subscribed me to national geographic for years, and gave me all of the backissues (from the 60's and 70's, i think) that they had in their garage. we would eat candy all the time because he and i both have a severe sweet tooth.

then all of a sudden, it seemed like he was forgetful and very irritable. totally out of character for him. we went on a vacation to hawaii and he seemed very disoriented, and he would snap my cousins and me (something he would never, ever do before--if he wanted you to stop doing something, he would usually use this low grumbly voice that sounded scary but was really him disciplining us without actually being mean). i was really upset about it. looking back, i think he was frightened because of all the things he was forgetting. we thought it was dementia. turns out it was alzheimer's.

i really wish i had spent every day with my grandpa from that point forward. i went to college, even further away from my grandparents, and the visits became more sporadic (as common as my school schedule would allow--meaning breaks and the occasional weekend trip for a special occasion). my mom would call me and let me know how he was doing (not well). he started forgetting who i was. eventually, he completely forgot. me, my cousins, my dad, and eventually even my mom, his daughter. he used to say my name in a really particular way when he walked in the room. it was pretty heartbreaking to realize i'd never hear that again.

for a few years, it was pretty bad. we had to put an alarm on my grandparents' door because he would sneak out (he loved going to the park and playing bocce ball) and get lost. it was hard to take him anywhere because he was disoriented and didn't know how to interact with his surroundings. it was like watching the shell of my grandpa's body walking around and doing things. there were flashes of how he used to be, like he'd sneak candy behind my grandma's back right before dinner and smile at us. but overall it was draining and horrible to watch him fade away.

the funny thing is that the longer the alzheimer's progressed, the more he reverted back to the essence of his personality. no more snapping at others. excitement when people would visit, especially children. fondness for animals. etc etc. every time my dad would visit, he wouldn't recognize him but would squeeze his bicep and say "man, you're strong!" he would always thank us profusely for coming to see him, even though he no longer knew who we were. eventually, my grandma couldn't take care of him herself, even though my mom was driving up once or twice a week to visit them and help her out. unfortunately, we had to put him in a home. he found two baby dolls there and would carry the around in his arms and nap with them on his chest.

he passed away two years ago and it was fucking devastating. my mom was crying on the phone when she told me so i sort of sucked it up and didn't show any emotion. they asked me to speak at his funeral and half way through his eulogy i completely broke down and could barely get through it. my cousins and i were complete wrecks. it was really hard to sit there and listen to his old friends talk about how he was the greatest guy ever. i'm more at peace with the loss now, but i'm still tearing up as i type this. we just had his memorial service (buddhists do one two years after) and i got choked up again while the reverend was talking.

anyway i guess this was a long and cathartic way of saying, fuck alzheimer's. please spend as much time with your loved ones as possible.
  • 21

User avatar
hooplah
 
Posts: 448
Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2013 7:20 pm
Reputation: 2352

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby silvaeri » Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:30 pm

in the continuing saga of dumbass decisions i make regarding my ex. i just helped her fix her bike as it broke and she crashed like a block away from my house. i need to stop doing stuff like this because i get a shitty mix of emotions and feelings afterwards, even though it's fine during the present.

edit: i'm not saying the act of helping her out was dumb, i would do that 100% of the time because I care about her and all that. it's just that i still have feelings for her and seeing her and chatting for a while leaves me with a weird mix of emotions/sadness afterwards which makes me feel a little dumb, that she's moved on and i haven't. i have no animosity towards her, she's a wonderful girl.

i'm probably just dumb and overthinking things at night again. idk. just wanted to sort of "vent" this somewhere since i don't really have any other outlets for it. thanks guys.
  • 4

Last edited by silvaeri on Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:47 pm, edited 3 times in total.
professional idiot.
User avatar
silvaeri
 
Posts: 413
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:34 pm
Location: minnesnowta
Reputation: 1867

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby ramseames » Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:32 pm

thats just being a nice person dude, helping someone out
  • 7

User avatar
ramseames
 
Posts: 2235
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2013 6:14 pm
Location: vancouver
Reputation: 6688

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby kyung » Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:09 pm

i was talking with my dad over dinner today about how his aunt and cousins would be visiting us in a few weeks. he told me that in his childhood, he never really had many fond memories about these relatives. he explained that while living in korea, my grandma was the eldest of six sisters and that she worked to support the family financially, even using up her savings to pay for her father's (my great grandfather's) medical treatments when he was ill. despite this, my dad feels that she never really gained the respect of her other siblings because she was so poor. he told me a story from his childhood of how when the youngest of these six sisters was married, he and my grandma had to attend the wedding in plain clothes, because they were unable to afford formal attire. he tells me that that was probably the saddest he's ever cried.

i've never seen my father cry, but he did so as he was telling this story to me. i've always wanted to support my family in the future to help them live comfortably, but i guess it really hit me tonight how hard my parents have worked to raise me and support me. i think i take a fuckton of things for granted, and i can really start to understand some of my father's frustrations with me regarding my work ethic and such. i want to become a harder worker, and a person that my parents can be proud of

tl;dr kyung realizes he should probably work harder and be a better person
  • 14

KIMCHI SLAP

_( :⁍ 」 )_
User avatar
kyung
 
Posts: 647
Joined: Sun Nov 24, 2013 7:20 pm
Location: nj
Reputation: 4859

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby popcorn » Thu Aug 07, 2014 11:40 am

4 days in and I am loving swim season, wow. My ~bestie~ is back from regionals so practices are gonna get more fun. They've been very relaxed. Also my swimming is getting a lot better, just in this week, lol. My free got a lot more comfortable today, I think by the regular season my form will be something like what it was when I quit year round.

It's definitely much better doing high school sports as a junior. This is my 5th year, having started in seventh grade (the first moment possible), and the difference in respect and the way people treat you is immense. There's a lot of psychology behind the way a 100 person, 6-grade team interacts at developmental age. And then the psychology deepens because our interaction is totally thrown for a loop by the fact that we're at all times judging each other on physical ability in dry land (running) - which is totally more dependent on age and size - as well as swimming - which is much more dependent on expertise. It's weird. All that matters is that I'm having a lot of fun and exercise in the sun. It's been a good week.\

EDIT: My stroke is Back ;-) but there's only the 100 back in the high school season, so I'm also pushed into 200 or 500 free depending on which Thomas is doing that year :-), my best swim of all time was a 200 back in the 11-12 age group.
  • 4

User avatar
popcorn
 
Posts: 588
Joined: Sun May 18, 2014 5:38 pm
Location: goldheart mountaintop
Reputation: 1563

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby popcorn » Thu Aug 07, 2014 11:18 pm

according to spotify, two years ago today was the first time I listened to "Kiara" and "Kong" by Bonobo

it's been a long way, but I've loved u more every day bonoby, happy twofer
  • 1

User avatar
popcorn
 
Posts: 588
Joined: Sun May 18, 2014 5:38 pm
Location: goldheart mountaintop
Reputation: 1563

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby sparkyoriental » Fri Aug 08, 2014 10:01 am

This morning while I was driving to work I encounter a school bus. The bus didn't have its lights flashing or its stop sign out so I assumed that it had finished picking up the kids and was about to start driving again. I drive on at the speed limit when the bus suddenly starts honking aggressively and puts its stop sign out. I slam on my brakes and stop right in front of the bus. The bus driver starts screaming at me and pointing at the extended stop sign. The second I stopped, a little girl, maybe 1st grade, jumps in front of my car and darts the other direction towards the bus.

My heart stopped! I completely didn't notice the little girl (she had run perpendicular to my car so it was impossible to see her since I was looking forwards and not towards the right) and if I had stopped 3 seconds later there's a good chance I could have hit her.

I spent the rest of the drive ruminating about what I would have done if I had hit her and (my god) injured her or worse.

Drive safely.
  • 8

sparkyoriental
 
Posts: 137
Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:13 pm
Reputation: 753

Re: feeltalk thread

Postby freddy » Sat Aug 09, 2014 1:23 am

ugh man I have to quickly vent (should be a post in my own thread), first night at my mom's place and my mom has to get hyperaroused and projection/depicting/verbally attacking me in all directions; Despite being less sucked into her vortex of frantic blackhole of meanderings, I'm calling her out and it just leads to pointless time-wasting conversations all because of her freaking insecurity. Basically the only way she can regulate her thoughts is utilizing me as a "needs gratifying object"and as a "transitional object" - and after everything is said and done, she returns back to her "baseline" normal state.

I just want to get over these "mom issues" and move on with my life and with dating. The self-preservation/self-sacrifice I'm doing now is an emotionally tough one - I'm resisting against the pathologizing of my mom's unresolved trauma - yet it comes into the conflicts of the maternal connection/parental support (my dad as well and relatives) that I'm lacking right now in my endeavors. For the folks that know how much of a nut I can be online especially in the past, just picture how I am 10x but in IRL which is my mom :/

any my posts online are word salad and more world salad everywhere - idk maybe fashion was my salvation to be able to express myself viscerally or else idk what i'd do with all these oscillating/up-and-though stressful thoughts
  • 2

User avatar
freddy
 
Posts: 934
Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:35 pm
Reputation: 1710

PreviousNext

Return to Care

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests