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Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 10:19 pm
by JewTurk
fuck man just fuck

Girl in my English class comitted suicide on Sunday. Suicides always make me uneasy, both my close friends from middle school tried to commit suicide then both promptly moved to different schools and or started home schooling. So I'm always really uneasy around the topic.

Grandma on my mom's side had a hemorrhagic stroke and they had to remove her (part of) cerebellum to relieve the pressure. Sitting in the hospital right now.

I just want to curl up in a ball and do nothing for the next month.

I don't want to talk to my friends about it because I feel week but I always try to cope by myself and I end up making things worse but I just feel so week going to anyone with my problems anymore its just really not a good situation I feel like dealing with right now. I just want to work 24 hours a day and avoid contact with people I know for the next week I think.

On the real though I need some coping mechanisms. I don't want to start smoking, but at this point I need the anxiety relief so badly. It feels like any genuinely good coping mechanism ends up making things worse in other areas.

e:
And the school suicide thing is hard to watch. Avoiding social media at all costs, it sickens me to see people trying to make jokes about something so genuinely impactful for a lot of people. They haven't released the name but obviously a lot of people know it and have spread it around so at this point its just a really ugh situation to go to every day and right now I really don't want to fucking deal with these gross people that have no compassion for something so serious.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 10:52 pm
by sweeeeeeeeeeet emootion
sweeeeeeeeeeet emootion wrote:i'm not looking forward to going back to uni because my flatmates are all really outgoing but i prefer to go to the library or stay in, maybe have a joint, watch films, listen to music, do some work, cook etc. this means that my flatmates will be hassling me to go out to a club all night. i'd even go a quiet bar or something, i just hate clubs; overpriced entry/drinks, i cannot dance to save my life, full of horrible people and music. is anyone else with me on this? i just feel so alone at uni when i'm not in class ;______;

i also feel like i'm not being 'fun' even though i'm a pretty nice person and funny i suppose


in a group project at university i found 4 other people who are on my level about this sort of stuff. today we all put the deposit down for a house together next year =]

just wanted to say another big thank you to everyone who gave me advice and such and if you ever find yourself in manchester, england then you have a friend here

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 12:15 am
by mc-lunar
JewTurk wrote:e:
And the school suicide thing is hard to watch. Avoiding social media at all costs, it sickens me to see people trying to make jokes about something so genuinely impactful for a lot of people. They haven't released the name but obviously a lot of people know it and have spread it around so at this point its just a really ugh situation to go to every day and right now I really don't want to fucking deal with these gross people that have no compassion for something so serious.


I know it might seem like people have no compassion but having dealt with more situations like this than I should have in high school I think I can safely say that a lot of these people are kids that just really don't know how to deal with something so heavy. Everyone reacts in different ways and doesn't necessarily know that their reactions would be offensive to someone who feels otherwise. This is a situation where its really useful to give people the benefit of the doubt from my experience.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 12:55 am
by harmsalmon
finally went back to work today man I am so happy

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 1:32 am
by pei
sometimes


i just really hate myself
hate what i do
hate what i am
hate what i'm not
my medication is not working the way i want it to, and my behavior is inexcusable in every way possible
it comes and ups and downs but lately it's been down and i've only been relying on material goods to satisfy and make myself happy, and i don't want to live this way

i've been thinking about this lately and i'm sure half of the internet wants my head cut off and i'm more than happy enough to oblige
it'll be for the better of the world, i swear!

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 12:45 am
by donut_milk
I got laid off. Actually, my whole Interactive department got let go. Sucks but eh...I've been through this, what? 4 times within the last 3 years haha. :'\

Sigh...back to the job hunt while consulting.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 5:36 pm
by schiaparelli
JewTurk wrote:I don't want to talk to my friends about it because I feel week but I always try to cope by myself and I end up making things worse but I just feel so week going to anyone with my problems anymore its just really not a good situation I feel like dealing with right now. I just want to work 24 hours a day and avoid contact with people I know for the next week I think.

On the real though I need some coping mechanisms. I don't want to start smoking, but at this point I need the anxiety relief so badly. It feels like any genuinely good coping mechanism ends up making things worse in other areas.


hey (love) i'm so sorry to hear this, you have so much going on right now and i really hope that since you posted, you've found people to lean on and seek solace with. if not, obviously we're here for you and this thread is a good place to get your thoughts and emotions out.

i've posted about this here before a bit—but i had some huge depression/anxiety issues, some of it influenced by suicides around me, that coincided with the time i was getting really involved in internet fashion communities (and getting to know some of the people here). i feel so lucky that i had some people to reach out to, even for just small supportive words on a rough day. i'd always be happy to be that person for a fellow care-tagger.

i think it can be ok/good to shut down for a bit and let your world narrow to just a few things, so you're not overwhelmed with dealing with your emotions and also the day-to-day grind of work and school and whatever, but i would really encourage you to find people to talk to, at least so you can process your emotions and figure out some healthy coping mechanisms. has your school brought in extra counseling/psychiatric services to help students deal with the aftermath of the suicide? if not, lots of areas have local hotlines (sometimes run by a hospital in the area) and idk where you live but there may be a state/province-wide or nationwide hotline you can refer to as well. if you are constantly worried it is too much of a burden on your friends or it makes you feel weak to rely on them, maybe start by just opening up to a stranger who after the phone call you'll never talk to again.

if you're worried about finding good coping mechanisms, this is a really good reason to talk to a counselor or a therapist or something. it is super easy to do things that make you feel better for a little bit but are bad for you in the long run. please take care of yourself! i know it's hard. all the best (love)

pei wrote:i just really hate myself
hate what i do
hate what i am
hate what i'm not
my medication is not working the way i want it to, and my behavior is inexcusable in every way possible
it comes and ups and downs but lately it's been down and i've only been relying on material goods to satisfy and make myself happy, and i don't want to live this way

i've been thinking about this lately and i'm sure half of the internet wants my head cut off and i'm more than happy enough to oblige
it'll be for the better of the world, i swear!


idk pei it feels so sad/tragic to me that you feel this way, bc i have really enjoyed you being around on care-tags and i'm sure many will agree with me. i think you are really lovely to talk to, really kind, and really interesting. but i think—going beyond platitudes, although everything i said before is 100% true—i kind of feel like maybe you're displacing your dissatisfaction and unhappiness with yourself, and your self-hatred, and thinking that that is something that others feel about you. and as much as we can say that we love having you here and we appreciate you, it is hard for you to believe that until you can have those feelings about yourself.

it's really good that you're realizing that material-goods-as-coping-mechanism isn't what you want. i don't know what your situation is but if better medication/therapy/counseling can give you better ways of processing and coping and so your ups and downs are manageable, and you can behave in the way you want and feel at peace with yourself…maybe pursue that?

relying on the opinions of others is also a coping mechanism when you don't have a strong sense of self and a strong sense of self-worth. idk, i hope i'm not pushing this too much and i know it's not easy to just go "love yourself more!"…but. other people in your life may or may not be transient, but you're going to live with yourself and your opinion of yourself for your entire life, and it makes a huge difference to work on that relationship and feel very comfortable in your own skin, in your own mind, believing in your decisions and your actions, being able to forgive your mistakes, being able to pull through and move on and have faith in yourself. and you definitely deserve to have that feeling of self-confidence.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 9:32 pm
by arcticsound
donut_milk wrote:I got laid off. Actually, my whole Interactive department got let go. Sucks but eh...I've been through this, what? 4 times within the last 3 years haha. :'\

Sigh...back to the job hunt while consulting.

Man that's the worst. I feel u.

I had a less-than-productive week at work last month and my boss pulled me aside and said "hey are you okay? you can talk to us", so I was like "well idk I have a lot of issues with seasonal depression/anxiety and on top of that my life is really scary and stressful right now, but I'll try harder to focus here" and next thing I know I was down to 10 hours a week from 35-40, and now they don't even bother to send me a schedule most weeks. real supportive, guys :???:

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:17 am
by bels
I rely on the opinion of others as a copping mechanism

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:52 pm
by arcticsound
@donut_milk I've already found another job sort of.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:11 pm
by zayg
Starting to apply for jobs in industries I refused to work in due to ethical reasons. Probably won't hear anything anyway, but ugh, I'm kinda upset at myself but job > no job.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 1:12 am
by Blastoise
Didn't test into the music theory classes I was supposed to for this semester which means I have to start over next year (as a junior). It's been a long time since I last had a music class but regardless I studied and worked a lot to prepare myself for it.

Two other things: No one else that was taking the placement exam tested into what they were expecting either, including someone that took the exact same classes at another U of M school (perhaps that says something about the quality of the exams). The professor walked out on me while I was talking and said "tough luck" when I was trying ask him for help on what I was supposed to do next.

So, two years of school wasted and my dream of writing music is very close to being over, at least I'm not feeling very encouraged to continue with it.

Nice start to the semester.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 1:49 am
by uniacto
@Blastoise ah man that really sucks. I can relate to douchebag teachers. some dont even care to help their students. don't think of it as two years of school wasted, think of it as a learning experience! at least that's what I do when i screw something up.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 2:19 am
by IsaiahSchafer
Nothing was wasted if you learned and grew from the experience as cheesy as it is (I guess just reiterating uniacto) but even still, your dream of writing music is not going to be determined by a degree even though of course it helps a ton in some fields, and jobs are hard to come by that will support you.

My wife has a degree from Berkeley and got passed over for a "guaranteed" job because the president (micro-managing a bit) didn't want to have to "waste" any time training. Didn't hire from within from a person with brand and company experience, hire someone who did the exact same sales job somewhere else. I say that to sort of illustrate how we can put weight on all these important things (Berkeley Degree, having it "guaranteed") and it all means crap if the person in power isn't going to hire you anyway.

This is fairly rambly, sorry. But- I wanted to make clothes, too anxious to go to college for it, started making clothes at home, actually ended up selling a lot of other similar stuff locally that me and my wife made or bought and restored (clothes, which led to books, journals, bags, etc).

Moral of the story is don't let the man tell you what you can and cannot do.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 5:31 am
by freddy
Been wanting2say this for along time:

I feel care-tags has a diversity issue

- late-night thoughts and/or change my view.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:15 am
by sknss
What can we do to change that?

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 11:33 am
by thephfactor
Went 2 the first meeting of the game dev club on campus. What it is is basically a faux professional software company, things are scheduled, deadlined, organized, less of a club than an actual game dev team. The "feel" part of this post is that I felt %100 comfortable and like, on the same level as the other people there if that makes sense, and am finally, for what seems like the first time in my life, sure of what I actually want to do with the rest of it.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 3:37 pm
by freddy
I'm just joking guys, making satire of diversity campaigns. If there were more of me, I don't think I'd be happy - I like being the anomaly 8)

I agree with @sidewalk's sentiments about these stuff

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:12 am
by BobbyZamora
my feelings are irrelevant

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:11 am
by mahi-mahi
Was playing futsal last night and I asked a guy to defend with me. He asked me to play on the left, which is no big deal, even though I'm an RB. It fucked my candence up!

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 11:31 pm
by Stingray Sam
How can I meet friends at university?

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 6:17 pm
by Ques
i always pretend to not understand the material and ask people to study with me

that or beg my friends to introduce me to their other friends and steal them

also if you're in spokane i've been meaning to go there so i'll come hang out with you

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 6:44 pm
by bels
All the guys in this acting class are super fucking jacked. (RELATIVELY SPEAKING)

Did H&MMM do a ladies chelsea boot with that wrecked leather top, cap toe and a ripple sole? Because one of the girls was wearing shoes that looked like that.

@thomsfood repcomment: No I'm trying to remind everyone that I am not jacked and have been not jacked for years and years and years.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 10:59 pm
by schiaparelli
freddy wrote:I'm just joking guys, making satire of diversity campaigns.


my feelings about this which are not a joke:
i want more women in here.

i talked to a lot of my favorite fashion friends who are women and they don't feel comfortable here
a lot of them made accounts and then stopped posting due to this trainwreck
(yes, they explicitly told me that was the reason or it provided substantial impetus to quit)

i have heard so many stories of the masturbatory/sex habits of the dudes on this forum and i would really just like to talk about bras (which can be very ~fashion~) without it getting weird. fashion is a discourse with society on many aspects of identity, including gender, and i would love to have more people here who are dressing from the same cultural context i am dressing in.



@sknss, i think that "what can we do to change that?" is a good question. initially, i was very enthusiastic about talking to women about posting here. tbh i have given up recruiting women to care-tags these days, bc it's hard to pitch this forum to them, given that so many women have come and left.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 11:15 pm
by smiles
I feel like it shouldn't be so difficult to make this place welcoming to all people, in theory. But of course in practice, it doesn't take much for people to feel uncomfortable, even if it's only a small proportion of posts. And of course weird double standards that crop up.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 12:09 am
by zayg
I should have went to school for something even remotely interesting.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 12:45 am
by zayg
@ramseames perhaps if I can get a job, but that is the hard part, and the good money doesn't really come in until your old and lame. I feel like working in the field won't be so bad, it is just that the god damned schooling is the most banal, dry borderline-inapplicable shit you'll ever see. That's a business major for you though. Sure, it's "easy" and "not a real major" but I think 95% of the reason you'll see business majors sleeping through class isn't because they're lazy but because it will literally put you to fucking sleep. I always get a little peeved when I see so many people here wax poetically about school and then I take some of my electives which are actually interesting and realize they probably go to school for majors they are interested in.

Just a little rant after spending my afternoon reading and writing about SAP and ~business process~ bullshit.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 1:57 am
by Stingray Sam
Honestly I love my business classes, they are by far some of the most interesting classes I've taken yet.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 4:24 am
by sknss
@schiaparelli how to get more girls on ct has always been an important preoccupation here. Just go back to the first pages of this thread and you'll see. Care tags would benefit from more diversity but it's been incredibly hard to put that in practice. I think the only thing we can do is to keep posting and eventually it will provide a safer space for women. If you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable, please speak up. That thread was condemned by the large majority so i dont think care tags is necessarily macho. We can make care tags a better place.

Re: feeltalk thread

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:41 pm
by nevergreen
in regards to socialization i've never really been an anxious person, though i was always shy, but recently has been soooo bad. whenever i'm in a classroom i get so anxious and my palms get sweaty it's terrible!! and at times it distracts me from focusing on what my professors are saying :s